Like most fibromyalgia patients, I have a multitude of medical concerns. In 2005, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer (on my birthday) in 2007, I was diagnosed with diabetes (on my birthday) thanks to the chemo lighting a fire in my pancreas. I have a black pepper allergy that borders on epic, (also thanks to the cancer treatment) arthritis, depression...the list goes on and on.
Today, while chatting with others in a group I'm in on Facebook, I mentioned something about how I haven't had a low pain day since February and how it has really messed with my routines. One of the group members took me to task for complaining and told me "at least you have all your limbs". She continued on telling me how bad someone of her acquaintance has it because he has psoriasis. Really? I understand that psoriasis is not a happy condition to have, but...no, she's right. He is much worse off than I could ever be. /Sarcasm you know. When I tried to explain that I was only making a comment based on the conversation, I was told that my constant complaining (??) was bringing the group down.
This person was right that I have all my limbs. My eyesight. My hearing. I can use the bathroom on my own and I can even do some light exercise, if by exercise you mean standing up and sitting down and occasionally going to the pool to walk in the water. I also do a mean page turn with my books.
And yet...every time I vacuum the house I'm done for the day because I can't move without crying. Every time I take a shower/bath I have to make time to take a nap because I'm exhausted just from washing my hair. (Thank goodness for WEN!) Grocery shopping is no longer a thing I enjoy because I can't make it around the store any longer so I have to rely on M to go for us and, well, he's not the best shopper in the world. Mainly he decides that, if he can't figure out what I need the item for, he'll leave it at the store thus making dinner preparation a "delight". I have had to learn to plan every single activity, from brushing my teeth and getting dressed, to going to see an art exhibit or movie.
Each of us has our own problems in life. Each of us has reason to complain. Comparing my pain levels to an amputee/blind person/psoriasis sufferer is not only belittling to us both, it's not a fair comparison. Telling someone "at least you're not X" or "at least you have Y" just demeans their conditions and reduces your ability to understand them.
Isn't understanding what we all long for in this life? Someone who understands and gets us. Someone who is there for us and, when we need a shoulder, someone to just listen and hold us when we cry. Someone who understands when, even though you have plans, you call and say "I just can't today, I'm sorry" yet again.
It's not a race. My life sucks most of the time, but I'm not looking to one up anyone. I'm not looking to be better or worse than anyone. Commiseration, sure. One up-manship? Not even a little. I don't want to race. Heck, I can barely walk.
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