I haven't posted since July 8th or so. I've thought about many topics in the interim, some scientific, others just fun or ranty.
I was doing okay, my flares were at a minimum, I was getting in more exercise and less blood sugar spikes. Life seemed to actually be approaching "normal" and I was rather happy about it.
And then Summer took a turn for the worst.
My Birthmother became very ill. She was never in the greatest health, at least from the time I had found her, but this was different. This was the beginning of the end. She passed away on July 22nd. I became ill the night before her funeral and wasn't able to make it. Both my fibromyalgia and my digestive disorder were completely out of control. We fibromites know that stress brings on the flares. Boy did I learn that.
Then, while I was still reeling from her death, Robin Williams, a man I adored from the time Mork and Mindy came on TV, committed suicide. Many might say "yeah but what does that have to do with you?" Nothing much in the grand scheme of things, but I looked up to him because of his openness about his drug abuse and his depression. His suicide scared me. I have the same type of depression, major clinical depression, and the thoughts of "If he could have this happen, what could happen to me?" were running through my head and, you guessed it, the resulting depression and stress had me flaring harder.
Things started to look better and then my Great Aunt passed away. She was in hospice for about an hour, iirc. The flares got worse. I wasn't able to attend her funeral because of them.
In the middle of all of this, my Grandma had emergency surgery for an intestinal blockage. Turns out, after her colon cancer surgery earlier in the year, the surgery site herniated and several feet of her intestines became necrotic. She was in the hospital when her sister in law passed away. (my Great Aunt)
Two strokes and two surgeries in a year was too much for her frail body and my Grandma passed away on August 20th just a week and a half after her sister in law.
The whirlwind was becoming a hurricane. I was vomiting every single day, sometimes two and three times a day. My body was inflamed and I couldn't do anything about it. I had no pain medication and couldn't get any for another 2 months thanks to the new FDA rulings on prescribing pain medication.
We buried my Grandma that Friday and a week later, on Aug 30th, we had her memorial service. My sister and my Mom did an amazing job of getting together photos and memories of Grandma. It was a beautiful service, one Grandma would have been so happy to have.
On Sept 1st, the Pastor Emeritus of our Church, the man who confirmed me, who fostered my love of Theology, who opened the door for me to go into full time church work (which didn't happen, sadly) past away. He had a massive heart attack and was gone before he hit the floor. Devastated, I attended the third funeral/memorial service in as many weeks.
Things became quiet during the month of September and, in retrospect, it was a good thing. I had time to heal, to pray, to think, to mourn.
Then, September 28th, my Dad's 70th birthday, I received a message from my best friend, "Please pray hard! I woke up this morning and K. was unresponsive." On the 30th, the news came, K had had a massive brain Aneurysm and was effectively brain dead. My best friend signed the papers and K passed into the arms of his Savior. October 1st, my best friend called, "can you come?". I dropped everything and called my Dr. "I have to go 4 hours away for my Best friend who just lost her husband. Can I PLEASE have something to help me get there?" I have agoraphobia. 4 hours away might as well be 4000. But I made it and I stayed until after the memorial service on October 7th. My birthday.
It's been a crappy summer. I'm ready for winter, for the snow to come and wash away the sadness and for the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm ready to start faking normal again.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Flare from Heck
It's been awhile, hasn't it friends? I've been under the weather for quite sometime. I really hate when things flare up and derail all of my good intentions.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get this blog off the ground and get some good, fun stuff on here along with information and other things.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get this blog off the ground and get some good, fun stuff on here along with information and other things.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Gut Check
I've been pretty invisible lately. The Saturday before Easter, I started having pain in my stomach and intestinal area. For the next 5 days, I was nauseated, I vomited, had diarrhea, and was all around miserable. Once the Husbunny realized that I wasn't just having an extended "black pepper blues" we decided a trip to the Doc was in order. I was diagnosed with diverticulitis/diverticulosis. It's the same condition, the first is the flare state and the second is the "resting" state. Yippee, another condition that can flare whenever it decides to do so. -_-
Fibro sufferers are no stranger to digestive disorders. IBS abounds for fibro patients and there are other disorders such as genitourinary symptoms like interstitial cystitis, chronic urinary tract infections, and over active bladder syndrome. Talk about adding insult to injury.
Fibro sufferers are no stranger to digestive disorders. IBS abounds for fibro patients and there are other disorders such as genitourinary symptoms like interstitial cystitis, chronic urinary tract infections, and over active bladder syndrome. Talk about adding insult to injury.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
A Lapse
It's been a few days since I've blogged. Been a weird pain time for me. Mostly migraines and stomach issues. *sigh*
Had to get up and go for a monthly blood test this morning. Rode up in the elevator with one of the Docs from the practice. He's such a nice guy. Asked how I was and if I was seeing him today. I said no, it's my inr (blood test for blood thinner patients) and he grinned and said "that a heck of a way to start your morning" He's not kidding. It usually doesn't hurt...I mean, come on, pain is sort of our gig, right? But man the chick stabbed me hard. LOL Poor girl. You could tell she was new.
I had to call yesterday to get some meds for myself. When the Med Tech asked me for my phone number, I confidently said "555-5555" (number changed to protect everyone.) She just sat there for a moment and then said, Mrs. F. Uh, that's our phone number." LOL It took me about a minute to remember our home number. We were both giggling by the end of the phone call.
So I had a lapse of memory. I was, and am still, able to laugh about it. Thankfully. I've had lapses that weren't so funny, like the one where I forgot I was driving and almost hit a little girl. That was 8 years ago and I haven't driven since.
I'm not used to having to sit and THINK about something. Usually answers and things come very easy for me. I was tested for my IQ back in the late 80s when I was tested for and diagnosed with, dyslexia. My IQ tested at 150+, so I'm not an unintelligent person. But boy do I feel like I'm a dummy. Especially after trying for an HOUR to remember "Hamburger Helper". (I had asked my Husbunny what he wanted for dinner. Of course I got the standard "I don't know" so I was offering options.)
Lapses are just a part of "normal" life for Fibromites. We tend to be chattering away and *POOF* our brains just stop. I've forgotten my own last name...after almost 6 years of marriage, I swore my last name was my maiden name. LOL
So how do we get over the lapses? What do we do to make sure that the important things aren't missed? I keep a calendar both on my Kindle (google) and on my iPod touch. They both ring alarms at different times so that I can't see it once and forget. I set as many alarms as I can for the REALLY important things (Drs appointments, medication refills, things like that) so that I just don't forget. Post it notes are amazing things for us forgetful fillies. I have post its all over the house, pads and notes. There's apps for the computer that will "bug you" with notes so you don't forget.
I'll also write things down as soon as I think of them...questions for my Docs or my Mom...LOL I'm almost always calling my Mom and saying "I had something to ask you, but I've forgotten it now." The problem with this, of course, is remembering to take the questions with me. I think I've figured out a way to help myself...put the questions into a journal I keep in my purse. I can write them down where ever and then put a note in my reminders to "transcribe questions to journal". We'll see how this works. :)
The end message is, lapses happen. If they're too frequent, write yourself a note and ask your Doctor. There could be more than just fibro going on.
Had to get up and go for a monthly blood test this morning. Rode up in the elevator with one of the Docs from the practice. He's such a nice guy. Asked how I was and if I was seeing him today. I said no, it's my inr (blood test for blood thinner patients) and he grinned and said "that a heck of a way to start your morning" He's not kidding. It usually doesn't hurt...I mean, come on, pain is sort of our gig, right? But man the chick stabbed me hard. LOL Poor girl. You could tell she was new.
I had to call yesterday to get some meds for myself. When the Med Tech asked me for my phone number, I confidently said "555-5555" (number changed to protect everyone.) She just sat there for a moment and then said, Mrs. F. Uh, that's our phone number." LOL It took me about a minute to remember our home number. We were both giggling by the end of the phone call.
So I had a lapse of memory. I was, and am still, able to laugh about it. Thankfully. I've had lapses that weren't so funny, like the one where I forgot I was driving and almost hit a little girl. That was 8 years ago and I haven't driven since.
I'm not used to having to sit and THINK about something. Usually answers and things come very easy for me. I was tested for my IQ back in the late 80s when I was tested for and diagnosed with, dyslexia. My IQ tested at 150+, so I'm not an unintelligent person. But boy do I feel like I'm a dummy. Especially after trying for an HOUR to remember "Hamburger Helper". (I had asked my Husbunny what he wanted for dinner. Of course I got the standard "I don't know" so I was offering options.)
Lapses are just a part of "normal" life for Fibromites. We tend to be chattering away and *POOF* our brains just stop. I've forgotten my own last name...after almost 6 years of marriage, I swore my last name was my maiden name. LOL
So how do we get over the lapses? What do we do to make sure that the important things aren't missed? I keep a calendar both on my Kindle (google) and on my iPod touch. They both ring alarms at different times so that I can't see it once and forget. I set as many alarms as I can for the REALLY important things (Drs appointments, medication refills, things like that) so that I just don't forget. Post it notes are amazing things for us forgetful fillies. I have post its all over the house, pads and notes. There's apps for the computer that will "bug you" with notes so you don't forget.
I'll also write things down as soon as I think of them...questions for my Docs or my Mom...LOL I'm almost always calling my Mom and saying "I had something to ask you, but I've forgotten it now." The problem with this, of course, is remembering to take the questions with me. I think I've figured out a way to help myself...put the questions into a journal I keep in my purse. I can write them down where ever and then put a note in my reminders to "transcribe questions to journal". We'll see how this works. :)
The end message is, lapses happen. If they're too frequent, write yourself a note and ask your Doctor. There could be more than just fibro going on.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Thankfully, It's Not a Race
Like most fibromyalgia patients, I have a multitude of medical concerns. In 2005, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer (on my birthday) in 2007, I was diagnosed with diabetes (on my birthday) thanks to the chemo lighting a fire in my pancreas. I have a black pepper allergy that borders on epic, (also thanks to the cancer treatment) arthritis, depression...the list goes on and on.
Today, while chatting with others in a group I'm in on Facebook, I mentioned something about how I haven't had a low pain day since February and how it has really messed with my routines. One of the group members took me to task for complaining and told me "at least you have all your limbs". She continued on telling me how bad someone of her acquaintance has it because he has psoriasis. Really? I understand that psoriasis is not a happy condition to have, but...no, she's right. He is much worse off than I could ever be. /Sarcasm you know. When I tried to explain that I was only making a comment based on the conversation, I was told that my constant complaining (??) was bringing the group down.
This person was right that I have all my limbs. My eyesight. My hearing. I can use the bathroom on my own and I can even do some light exercise, if by exercise you mean standing up and sitting down and occasionally going to the pool to walk in the water. I also do a mean page turn with my books.
And yet...every time I vacuum the house I'm done for the day because I can't move without crying. Every time I take a shower/bath I have to make time to take a nap because I'm exhausted just from washing my hair. (Thank goodness for WEN!) Grocery shopping is no longer a thing I enjoy because I can't make it around the store any longer so I have to rely on M to go for us and, well, he's not the best shopper in the world. Mainly he decides that, if he can't figure out what I need the item for, he'll leave it at the store thus making dinner preparation a "delight". I have had to learn to plan every single activity, from brushing my teeth and getting dressed, to going to see an art exhibit or movie.
Each of us has our own problems in life. Each of us has reason to complain. Comparing my pain levels to an amputee/blind person/psoriasis sufferer is not only belittling to us both, it's not a fair comparison. Telling someone "at least you're not X" or "at least you have Y" just demeans their conditions and reduces your ability to understand them.
Isn't understanding what we all long for in this life? Someone who understands and gets us. Someone who is there for us and, when we need a shoulder, someone to just listen and hold us when we cry. Someone who understands when, even though you have plans, you call and say "I just can't today, I'm sorry" yet again.
It's not a race. My life sucks most of the time, but I'm not looking to one up anyone. I'm not looking to be better or worse than anyone. Commiseration, sure. One up-manship? Not even a little. I don't want to race. Heck, I can barely walk.
Today, while chatting with others in a group I'm in on Facebook, I mentioned something about how I haven't had a low pain day since February and how it has really messed with my routines. One of the group members took me to task for complaining and told me "at least you have all your limbs". She continued on telling me how bad someone of her acquaintance has it because he has psoriasis. Really? I understand that psoriasis is not a happy condition to have, but...no, she's right. He is much worse off than I could ever be. /Sarcasm you know. When I tried to explain that I was only making a comment based on the conversation, I was told that my constant complaining (??) was bringing the group down.
This person was right that I have all my limbs. My eyesight. My hearing. I can use the bathroom on my own and I can even do some light exercise, if by exercise you mean standing up and sitting down and occasionally going to the pool to walk in the water. I also do a mean page turn with my books.
And yet...every time I vacuum the house I'm done for the day because I can't move without crying. Every time I take a shower/bath I have to make time to take a nap because I'm exhausted just from washing my hair. (Thank goodness for WEN!) Grocery shopping is no longer a thing I enjoy because I can't make it around the store any longer so I have to rely on M to go for us and, well, he's not the best shopper in the world. Mainly he decides that, if he can't figure out what I need the item for, he'll leave it at the store thus making dinner preparation a "delight". I have had to learn to plan every single activity, from brushing my teeth and getting dressed, to going to see an art exhibit or movie.
Each of us has our own problems in life. Each of us has reason to complain. Comparing my pain levels to an amputee/blind person/psoriasis sufferer is not only belittling to us both, it's not a fair comparison. Telling someone "at least you're not X" or "at least you have Y" just demeans their conditions and reduces your ability to understand them.
Isn't understanding what we all long for in this life? Someone who understands and gets us. Someone who is there for us and, when we need a shoulder, someone to just listen and hold us when we cry. Someone who understands when, even though you have plans, you call and say "I just can't today, I'm sorry" yet again.
It's not a race. My life sucks most of the time, but I'm not looking to one up anyone. I'm not looking to be better or worse than anyone. Commiseration, sure. One up-manship? Not even a little. I don't want to race. Heck, I can barely walk.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Busy Day, Exhaustion Reigns
Yesterday, by which I mean Saturday March 4th, was a busy day for me. I did work on some writing projects, napped, and then went to see my Grandma in the nursing home. I took hymnal and sang for her and apparently most of her wing. Which I did NOT know at the time. I'd have been embarrassed, although Mom and my bff both say I shouldn't be.
It was a much longer walk to Grandma's new room and I could feel it as M and I came back to get the car. Then we stopped at Walgreens to get allergy meds for M, me and Xander, our boy cat. I went in and, by the time I got to the pharmacy (I get the D version you have to sign for) I was trembling from exhaustion and pain. Luckily, someone was ahead of me so I could sit.
I really hate that mere walking hurts so much. That I can no longer go grocery shopping because I can't make it completely around the store. Last time I tried, I burst into tears as soon as I got into the car. M has been good about going to the store, but it's not the same. He's not as good at picking out the best fruit and veggies and he often decides we don't REALLY need peanut butter/bread/ground beef/etc. Even if it's on the list. Even if I explain just why X is needed.
But I feel so...out of touch. I used to love going to the mall and walking around. M enjoyed it as well, as long as I didn't stop in any of the stores. LOL I have to plan my trips, get dropped off as close to the store as possible, search out places to sit and rest, smile and nod and use the words "no, no, I'm okay. I sweat like this all the time" as if I'm really okay and don't want teleportation to be a real thing just so I can get back to the car without having to take several pain pills.
I miss going shopping just to window shop with friends. I miss getting to see things first hand before I buy them. I'm happy with online shopping, but I miss the tactile joy shopping brings.
It was a much longer walk to Grandma's new room and I could feel it as M and I came back to get the car. Then we stopped at Walgreens to get allergy meds for M, me and Xander, our boy cat. I went in and, by the time I got to the pharmacy (I get the D version you have to sign for) I was trembling from exhaustion and pain. Luckily, someone was ahead of me so I could sit.
I really hate that mere walking hurts so much. That I can no longer go grocery shopping because I can't make it completely around the store. Last time I tried, I burst into tears as soon as I got into the car. M has been good about going to the store, but it's not the same. He's not as good at picking out the best fruit and veggies and he often decides we don't REALLY need peanut butter/bread/ground beef/etc. Even if it's on the list. Even if I explain just why X is needed.
But I feel so...out of touch. I used to love going to the mall and walking around. M enjoyed it as well, as long as I didn't stop in any of the stores. LOL I have to plan my trips, get dropped off as close to the store as possible, search out places to sit and rest, smile and nod and use the words "no, no, I'm okay. I sweat like this all the time" as if I'm really okay and don't want teleportation to be a real thing just so I can get back to the car without having to take several pain pills.
I miss going shopping just to window shop with friends. I miss getting to see things first hand before I buy them. I'm happy with online shopping, but I miss the tactile joy shopping brings.
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