I haven't posted since July 8th or so. I've thought about many topics in the interim, some scientific, others just fun or ranty.
I was doing okay, my flares were at a minimum, I was getting in more exercise and less blood sugar spikes. Life seemed to actually be approaching "normal" and I was rather happy about it.
And then Summer took a turn for the worst.
My Birthmother became very ill. She was never in the greatest health, at least from the time I had found her, but this was different. This was the beginning of the end. She passed away on July 22nd. I became ill the night before her funeral and wasn't able to make it. Both my fibromyalgia and my digestive disorder were completely out of control. We fibromites know that stress brings on the flares. Boy did I learn that.
Then, while I was still reeling from her death, Robin Williams, a man I adored from the time Mork and Mindy came on TV, committed suicide. Many might say "yeah but what does that have to do with you?" Nothing much in the grand scheme of things, but I looked up to him because of his openness about his drug abuse and his depression. His suicide scared me. I have the same type of depression, major clinical depression, and the thoughts of "If he could have this happen, what could happen to me?" were running through my head and, you guessed it, the resulting depression and stress had me flaring harder.
Things started to look better and then my Great Aunt passed away. She was in hospice for about an hour, iirc. The flares got worse. I wasn't able to attend her funeral because of them.
In the middle of all of this, my Grandma had emergency surgery for an intestinal blockage. Turns out, after her colon cancer surgery earlier in the year, the surgery site herniated and several feet of her intestines became necrotic. She was in the hospital when her sister in law passed away. (my Great Aunt)
Two strokes and two surgeries in a year was too much for her frail body and my Grandma passed away on August 20th just a week and a half after her sister in law.
The whirlwind was becoming a hurricane. I was vomiting every single day, sometimes two and three times a day. My body was inflamed and I couldn't do anything about it. I had no pain medication and couldn't get any for another 2 months thanks to the new FDA rulings on prescribing pain medication.
We buried my Grandma that Friday and a week later, on Aug 30th, we had her memorial service. My sister and my Mom did an amazing job of getting together photos and memories of Grandma. It was a beautiful service, one Grandma would have been so happy to have.
On Sept 1st, the Pastor Emeritus of our Church, the man who confirmed me, who fostered my love of Theology, who opened the door for me to go into full time church work (which didn't happen, sadly) past away. He had a massive heart attack and was gone before he hit the floor. Devastated, I attended the third funeral/memorial service in as many weeks.
Things became quiet during the month of September and, in retrospect, it was a good thing. I had time to heal, to pray, to think, to mourn.
Then, September 28th, my Dad's 70th birthday, I received a message from my best friend, "Please pray hard! I woke up this morning and K. was unresponsive." On the 30th, the news came, K had had a massive brain Aneurysm and was effectively brain dead. My best friend signed the papers and K passed into the arms of his Savior. October 1st, my best friend called, "can you come?". I dropped everything and called my Dr. "I have to go 4 hours away for my Best friend who just lost her husband. Can I PLEASE have something to help me get there?" I have agoraphobia. 4 hours away might as well be 4000. But I made it and I stayed until after the memorial service on October 7th. My birthday.
It's been a crappy summer. I'm ready for winter, for the snow to come and wash away the sadness and for the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm ready to start faking normal again.
No comments:
Post a Comment